Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems

The story of my family’s journey to America began with my father. He was just like any other Indian immigrant during the 1960s. He came to the country with only $5 in his pocket despite already having a degree from an Indian university. He attended Ohio State University on a scholarship.

Poor and lonely, my father found his only comfort in his studies. He was an excellent student who seemed to fit in best in the classroom which garnered more approval from his teachers than his classmates.

These experiences along with his traditional Indian upbringing that valued hard work, money and prestige above all else made him a somewhat distant and stoic man.

Combine that with his inability to find common ground with his American peers built  a deep sense of bitterness and resentment.

My father was always very practical. He was never a religious person. He always looked for quick fixes to solve problems and looked to logic and science rather than spirituality.

I feel that lack of spirituality in his life may have contributed to his stress and anger. He needed something like that to release the pressure he was feeling from time to time.

After he was married to my mother in an arranged marriage, my father’s journey took him from India to Columbus, Ohio to San Antonio, Texas.

It was in San Antonio where my parents experienced their biggest financial struggles. My mother once told me they “could rarely afford to even eat at McDonald’s because they were so poor”.

My father was determined to finish dental school, thinking that financial success would bring the respect and love of his family back home in India.

Once he finished school and opened his dental practice in Houston, Texas in 1983, my parents had finally reached financial stability so much so that my mother decided to complete her bachelor’s degree in psychology. She would complete her Master’s later.

Despite my parents’ education and financial success, they never seemed to solve their family’s internal strife. Bitterness and jealousy from family member back home in India made my parents clash heads with their in-laws and each other.

I spent my childhood confused with not only my identity but also the identity of my family. It always seemed like my family was in turmoil.

Everybody was always at each other’s throats. There were many threats of divorce and periods of separation between my parents.

I never understood why a family which seemed to be stable financially and had never really had anyone who had been in trouble with the law could be under so much stress and unhappiness. Nothing was ever enough for some members of my family, especially my father.

As a member or the Indo-American community, I have witnessed first-hand how our families are always under a great amount of stress.

The type-A, high-strung personality seems to be a common trait among descendants of South Asia. Especially for families living here in America, the pressure to live up to the standards of two cultures comes at a price.

Working hard and making money is a must and success in school is considered standard which seems like traits of a model community from the outside looking in.

With it, comes jealousy and resentment which can lead to more emotional turmoil and family tension.

I began wondering if working hard and achieving financial success was worth anything to a person if he or she cannot enjoy it with his family?

In our society, family is looked at as the foundation for a person’s life. Without a happy family, a person has nothing. A person cannot replace the unconditional love of his or her family no matter how much money that person makes or what kind of status or legacy they achieve.

So many celebrities have fallen victim to this mistake. They’re lives turn into a roller coaster or turmoil that sometimes crashes at the bottom.

Money can help a person find the life they want but cannot be the strongest foundation for a person’s life.

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